shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
