New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
