This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
