I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
