Duck Duck Cougar?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
