just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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