I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
how drunk are you?
Several
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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