I'm so fucking centered right now
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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