I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
