Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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