I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
