I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
