The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
