Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
