margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
