I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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