Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
