I want to walk on stilts...naked
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
