I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
