Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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