Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Small penises have feelings too.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
