had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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