Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
