i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
