im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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