He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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