Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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