yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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