my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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