We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
