You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My bed smells like the plague
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
