This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
