I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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