I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
