Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
