i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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