My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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