You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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