Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
