just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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