I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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