I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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