There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
