Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
