Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
