why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
