he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
