I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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