my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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