New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
