Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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