Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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