We won't sleep together?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
