omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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