i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
