I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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